A Caribbean state of mind

We took a different sort of vacation this year - one without obvious highlights. 

A trip to the Eastern Caribbean islands always sounds good to someone in Buffalo, particularly when it is booked in mid-December. The thought of a little sun and temperatures in the 80s is a worthwhile goal at that point in the winter. 

Imagine our surprise, then, that since booking the trip, Buffalo went on to have one of the mildest winters in its history. We may be below a total of two feet of snow for the season on our driveway in 2023-24, drawing gasps from those on the trip when they asked about the weather back home. When I checked the numbers during our 13-day excursion, the temperatures in Western New York were almost always above freezing and sometimes above 60. 

On the other hand, 82 and sunny sounds pretty good under any circumstances.  And the chance to receive an education in that part of the world .... and pick up some new countries for the informal list ... is always tempting. That's especially true when someone else - in this case, Holland America - is doing the driving and cooking.There were no "must see" items on the itinerary, such as the Eiffel Tower or the Anne Frank Museum. Come to think of it, we couldn't have named all of the countries on the trip a few weeks before registering, and we still don't remember all of the capital cities. 

So off we went. Call it a more fascinating trip than exciting. After all, the world is a big place - and it's all interesting. We'll stick to the now-usual format on this blog: an overall view of the trip first in this article, followed (eventually) by descriptions of individual locations. It's designed to help you plan your own trip.

The route

Lesson one from planning for this excursion: There are a lot of islands in the Caribbean. You may not have heard of all of them. Click on the photo to see a bigger version of the map we followed.

In this case, the nation of Dominica (and not the Dominican Republic) was a complete mystery. Someone said that the original schedule had us going somewhere else on the trip, but it was dropped shortly before our booking. It's not exactly a regular stop for most tourists' visits, but turned out to provide some of our favorite stops on the trip.

Geography nerds will note that this is the farthest south we've ever been. The old record was Hawaii, which is located about as far south as Mexico City. Martinique is the new champion.

And consider that one island on the tour contained two nations almost of the same name. St. Maarten is the Dutch side of the island, while St. Martin is the French side. The borders are marked by signs instead of customs agents and carry no real political significance. People down there laughed at the idea that they should stay on their side of the line during the pandemic.  

I had visited St. Thomas of the Virgin Islands when I was five - don't remember much. Holland America has its own island in the Bahamas, so we didn't go there in a 1999 trip to that country. Essentially, everything was new and without preconceptions. 

The elephant in the room

Here's a point that needs to be addressed right away.

Admittedly, visitors to the Caribbean can spend their vacation time in splendid isolation. Some might fly into the region, get a taxi/limo ride to a luxury hotel, and relax on the beautiful beaches while sipping rum punch. Others might take a luxury cruise ship into port, and be quickly whisked away to those same beaches for an afternoon of mellow. That's all good, but it's not exactly the best way to receive an education about the surroundings.

For that, it's good to get out on the ground and take a look at the country. What you'll see is a lot of poverty.

There's some poverty everywhere in this world, of course, but this just looks different - not Chicago, but not West Virginia either. Drive around the region, and you'll see abandoned cars, trucks and buses on the side of roads. Chances are they have been there long enough to be engulfed by plants, inside and out. Some homes remain unfinished, in part because the home owner's taxes would rise if the second floor of the building could be occupied. Poverty touches most of the area, with one home on a street looking good and the next starting to collapse. The photo above in Martinique shows a housing area that overlooks the water, so it's probably in demand. 

The geography is part of the problem in terms of economics. Many of these small islands popped out of the sea after eons of volcanic activity. That means that the uninhabitable parts take up most of the land, leaving a thin edge of flat on the coastline. Some places have some farm land, and others offer light industry. But for the most part, tourism drives the economies - and that boost only lasts for a handful of months at a time. There's a little desperation in the aggressive hawkers of goods, taxi rides, etc. who greet the tourists coming off the boat looking for adventure.

It should be mentioned here that much of this area is in the middle of hurricane country. Some nations are still picking up from a massive storm in 2017, with the pandemic slowing rebuilding efforts. And everyone knows that once one storm is cleaned up, the next one will be along at any time.  

The economic issues are even true at the U.S. Virgin Islands. There are no industries on St. Thomas except tourism. (An oil refinery is on a nearby island that is under American control).  St. Thomas looks more prosperous that the other areas (some of the roads even have route numbers), no doubt due to a helping hand from Uncle Sam. But the middle class wasn't too obvious.

So if a visit to the region can supply the tiniest of help for the people there, great. 

The first step

It's not as if you can cruise from Buffalo to the Caribbean at this time of the year. The St. Lawrence Seaway might be a little chilly. Therefore, another mode of transportation is needed. In other words, we flew to Fort Lauderdale, the starting and ending points of our trip. Alert readers already have figured out that sometimes the weather can affect travel plans in our part of the world in February, so we needed to adjust accordingly. In other words, we left for Florida a day early.

The hotels in this part of South Florida, knowing that thousands of travelers are in a similar situation, have noticed this fact, and acted accordingly. We found a hotel relatively close to Port Everglades in the middle of a commercial district. For one night, the charge was a mere $395 plus $50 in taxes. (The city has to pay for its under-construction convention center down the street somehow.) That was the best deal we could find that was close to the port. 

It set a personal record for most dollars paid for a one-night hotel. Luckily, the booking agent for Holland America found out cheap airline flights to and from the area, so it came out relatively even with expectations in the end. Yes, we could have stayed much farther away from the port, and taken some sort of vehicle from there. But convenience is worth something, and this is one "All Aboard" you don't want to miss. Still, it would have been nice for the Holiday Inn Express to have a shower that (a) had any water pressure and (b) had any hot water.

Port Everglades itself is quite a complex. It can handle several of the big ships at one time. When we started the trip, we followed two other ships out the opening like cars stacked up for the chance to get on the Interstate. The photo above shows line in front of us. Beep, beep!

Brief interlude

At the Fort Lauderdale hotel the morning after arrival, I was getting orange juice from the dispenser in the crowded breakfast area. Two guys were behind me in line, and one of them read aloud the sign on the front of the juice machine: "Squeeze the Day."

I felt the urge to comment: "I always thought of my wife as the 'Squeeze of the Day.' " As in, my "main squeeze." There was a little pause, forcing my mind to believe I struck out with this joke attempt. But then both men put the pieces together, and burst into hard, loud laughter. 

Jody and I soon gathered an table, and she couldn't wait to ask me about this. "What did you say to those guys?" she queried. "They kept talking about how fast and funny you were." 

All right, Oscar Wilde wouldn't have worried about being upstaged. But, I did get the laugh as I prepared to deal with 2,100 potential new friends on the boat. 

 

The Eurodam

You know what you are getting on one of these Holland America ships. They are well designed, quite modern, and well maintained. It's quite easy to step on board and feel relaxed once that initial unpacking is done. 

The Eurodam is not an amusement park, although there was free skee-ball and pinball in the kids' game room (which I checked out a couple of times during the trip). We were traveling at a time when most United States schools were in session, so there weren't many families on board. 

For those are wondering, the demographics of the passengers didn't need an analytics department to sort out the numbers. A majority of those on the ship fit neatly into some broad classifications.

They were old. I'll bet a majority of the passengers took advantage of the AARP discount that comes with every booking. 

They were white. An African-American comic asked at his performance at the theater, "Do we have any Blacks here tonight?" He got two claps, from a couple in the third row. He said, "That's about right." A few minutes later he asked about Hispanics. Same number of claps. "That's about right too," he said.

They probably leaned Republican as a group - at least, that's the way it sounded from conversations heard from a distance. It's easy to guess that river cruisers are more to the left on the spectrum than this group. No matter where you fall, though, you'd better know who your audience before going into a political monologue. Holland America discourages fistfights among the passengers.

And, they were - as a group - heavy. As in, "double bacon and double sausage with my pancakes and eggs" heavy. Those who felt a little less than comfortable with their body type needed only to go up to the Ledo Market buffet on Deck Nine and stand next to some of their fellow passengers. "Say, I'm not that bad." Maybe they won't go buy a Speedo, but they might succumb to temptation when ordering dessert that night. 

* There were a few signs that Holland America is having trouble filling out its crew on these trips. For example, 10 years ago we were greeted with a towel folded in the shape of an animal after each dinner. This time, it only happened once. The food choices in the dinning room were often repetitive, especially when you're a charter member of the Fussy Eaters Society (guilty). It also seemed as if there were fewer activities on board the ship when we weren't in port. I have not done any counting on this one - just a feeling.

But people were cleaning the facilities all the time, and the staff was extremely nice and friendly. The trip was more than comfortable by almost any standard.  

* The nightly entertainment shows were a mixed bag, which was a bit of a disappointment. The two comics were quite funny, and a steel drum band received a very warm reception on two different nights. However, a variety show didn't go over too well with most people. When one program began with "Down by the Lazy River" by the Osmonds, it sort of felt like watching The Lawrence Welk Show in the Seventies. A tribute to "Divas" concluded with an unknown song by Helen Reddy, which stopped the show for the wrong reasons. On another night, a promised "mind-blowing performance" by a magician was less than magical.

* It's tough to make friends on the big ships, at least as compared to the river boats. There are few chances on the ocean cruises to have repeated casual bumps with people that can lead to conversations and friendships. In our case, we had eight people thrown together at dinner the first night. We all got along pretty well, and quickly agreed to formalize the relationship for the rest of the trip - same time, same table. Since everyone was doing different things, the dinners became a way to compare notes on experiences. "How was your day, dear?"  

* When we left the port of St. Thomas on the way home, we were immediately hit by good-sized waves. Yes, it's a big boat, but it's a bigger ocean. We came out of the World Theater (shown at right during a non-performance moment) that night, and people were staggering down the hallway. We all looked rather drunk. Once reaching their beds, the passengers were rocked to sleep in a throwback to their first years or life.  

* The Holland America business model hasn't changed much in 10 years. The first order of business is to fill the boat with customers. Then once the passengers arrive, hit them up for big ticket items like jewelry and potentially expensive activities like gambling, eating, drinking, and shore excursions, and start collecting money. 

I was a little surprised that the specialty restaurants, which have a surcharge simply to walk in the door, also charge extra for certain meals. The dining room did fine for me, although those who took that step up did say the food was excellent. 

By the way, Holland America is an industry leader when it comes to bundling certain benefits together for its guests. That includes a drink package that costs $60 per day, although you are limited to 15 adult beverages. I'd hate to run into the people who were determined to get their money's worth on a given day.  

* I'm proud to say I was on the winning team of a Cornhole tournament, as new pal Jeff and I swept through three opponents. It's not easy to throw the beanbags on the deck of a ship on a windy day, but the two of us did enough to win. This can only enhance my reputation as someone who once was described as "a great athlete when his feet aren't moving." Speaking of sports, a basketball court has been adapted to a pickelball court, although a lone basket remains at one end for those who wish to try shooting into ocean winds.

Doctor's update

I had a topsy-turvy visit to a museum in Martinique. Really.

Our group was in a small building near the waterfront on a tour when I made an exciting discovery about the location of restrooms that I needed to share to those waiting anxiously for that information. So I walked briskly though building to spread the word, thus forgetting that the crowded, darkened hallways had 18-inch, darkly painted benches that had turned invisible in those conditions. I first crashed my shin into the bench, causing a souvenir gash, fell forward on to the bench, leaving marks on my knee and elbow, and then fell on to the floor on my hip and side. I was surprised and embarrassed but not particularly injured. The tour guide did have to fill out an incident report, and the next morning I felt only as if I had played a game of tackle football the day before.

I also caught my almost traditional cold/cough late in the trip. Sleeping was a bit of a chore in the last couple of nights, as I had to stack up the pillows in an attempt to stop waking up regularly. Happily, Holland America does provide guests with plenty of pillows. I created "Mount Pillow" for the final nights of the trip. I kept a mask on for most of the trip home, and then came up negative on a Covid-19 test. The doctor here ruled it a pesky virus. It could have been worse. 

Meanwhile on land... 

* There were a few celebrity references along the way. Eric Clapton has a house at the end of a peninsula in Antigua that looks like it has a nice view of the neighborhood. It is on top of the hill in the top right. Ahem. Tommy Hilfiger had a yacht parked in Saint Martin, and I think it could handle the entertainment needs for most of the island as well as his traveling party. We were told that Michael Jordan recently paid a visit to the Virgin Islands, and that Magic Johnson has a winter place there. 

* If there's a contest for craziest place to drive, this area of the world might be a consistent contender. There isn't much land to begin with, and as little as possible of it was used on roads. Throw in too many cars, and it is a situation in which merely riding on a bus is full of thrills. As for the drivers themselves, well, perhaps the equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor is in order.

It all reminded me of the traffic pattern of - wait for it - the buffet area on the ships. People realize they need to go somewhere else in the room, and make a quick turn without warning. There's no better feeling than being parked at a table after that experience.

Returning to driving, the jump from island to island is part of the problem for visitors. Some countries drive on the right, others drive on the left. Did you ever go up a switchback on a mountain and through a roundabout with left-side drivers? We're trained to think that an oncoming car from the right lane is about to crash into you. Happily, that never happened.

Every country has its own quirky way of expressing laws on road signs. We thought "Caution: Road Edge Failure" was going to be a clear winner of the oddest road sign of the trip. I mean, where exactly does that message apply? But soon after that came a sign by a fenced house: 'Elderly Nudist Residence - No Photography Alllowed." Um, thanks for the warning.   

* The "Buyer Beware Award" goes to those who chose to take the Scenic St. Thomas shore excursion on Holland America. It was billed as a three-hour tour of the capital of the U.S. Virgin Islands. When we got on the bus, the driver explained that traffic was down because of the Sunday morning start and that we wouldn't need three hours. 

He wasn't kidding. After a brief look at downtown while moving, we headed up the mountain. Our group stopped at a couple of scenic overlooks - both fine - and then reached the main destination at the highest point on the island. Sadly, the fog had rolled in by that point, obscuring the views of the country side. (The photo at right was our view at the time. Sigh.) So instead of having 50 minutes to wander through a big souvenir stand that owns the area, we had 55 minutes. Then we got back on the bus, and were at the boat less than two hours after leaving. 

The price tag for all that? Eighty dollars per person. I'm willing to pay extra for the knowledge that Holland America has my back in such matters. Still, that was just ridiculous. My formal complaint was noted and passed along, where it no doubt will be laid to rest in the near future.

* Some of the ports have shopping centers right by the gates, so it is easy for tourists to spend their money. The literate phrase that came to mind upon seeing them was "Potemkin Village" - the term for the villages that were thrown up in a hurry to impress Catherine the Great of Russia. On the other hand, we did take advantage of the convenience offered by buying a couple of things.  

Trivial matters

Trips like this often have frequent trivia contests to keep the customers busy. We've found it is a good place to find like-minded people. Sure enough, we struck up a partnership with a couple from Connecticut. They were good company, and good players.

The four of us teamed up for four championships over the course of the trip, including my personal strong point, "one-hit wonders." I figured that knowing who recorded "Kung Fu Fighting" would pay off in a big way someday. Ho, ho, ho, ho. A variety of subjects came up, and we decided that it was OK to do respectably well in "Divas" and "Disco" ... but it might not be areas that we "needed" to win.  

A highlight came unexpectedly on a day where the category was "Animal Kingdom." Our DJ, Brandon, read the question, "What is an animal that spends part of its life partly on land and partly in the sea? The answer is amphibian, but I quickly yelled out "The Captain." Brandon was caught unprepared for that answer and put his head down to laugh. Then he said, "I guess that could apply to me too." Indeed.

Closing shot

I took this photo somewhere in Dominica, but have no ideas of the details. It's still pretty. If they ever need a place to shoot the next sequel to Jurassic Park, this might work.